Friday, March 20, 2015

I am Not Alone as My Father is With Me

I had been in a Catholic society since I was born; family, neighborhood, school.

But until 19 years of age, I didn't recognize Christ and I was not familiar with my own belief. I prayed every single day not because I wanted to, but because the teachers told us to. I went to church and other religious events not because I wanted to, but because my mom and friends did.

My mom is a believer; but my dad is not. That gives us the three children the possibility to see things they way our dad does, which is the way an atheist see every thing in the world.
I accomplish success because I worked hard from the beginning;
I'm saved from any harm because I am careful;
and scientific method is the only explanation of any truths.

Their belief is not false. And to be honest, that was my way of thinking despite of the fact that I have the word 'Catholic' stated in my identification.

I understood how my mom believes in Christ no less than I understood why my dad's against that. Growing up in a situation like this left me a question that I was not able to answer for so long: Is there really God?


Since the previous semester, I've been struggling hard for every thing in my life in Korea. Failures, family matters, disappointments, all happened one by one in front of my eyes. I cried to sleep every night and my mind was stressful all the time. I thought I was hopeless and finished; all I did was mourn and complain. The feeling of being alone haunted me and I couldn't think of anything to do.

In that worst moment suddenly I realized that I was not alone; He was there all along but I ignored Him. I started to pray, a little bit at a time, for Him to strengthen me, lead me, and help me. I was not thinking for my prayers to be answered as my main purpose was only to lean on and feel relieved, but He did answer when I least expected it. As I continued to surrender myself to God, I noticed that my legs were far more stronger than they were before, my heart was much lighter, and my mind got clearer.


Since then I stopped questioning the power of prayer and the existence of God, as I have encountered Him myself. To be patient is to believe in God's plan, and to surrender completely is to live with Him as one. There are still some unanswered prayers, but even so, I can find peace in myself while I'm waiting for the answers. God has convinced me He is the only shelter, and I will continue to stay in His righteousness.