Tuesday, July 21, 2015

I Finally Tried the Taste of Regret

In two weeks, there will be a Body Combat initial module training in Seoul. Tomorrow's the registration deadline and I'm letting it go, again.

Let me take you back to 5 years ago, when I was only 16 and didn't have anything fancy to wear in the gym. I decided to join the initial module training for Body Combat with two of my friends, and my parents had finally given me the permission (and their credit card to pay for the training fee).

My brother who was the manager in Celebrity Fitness Teraskota had already sponsored me and we signed and submitted the form. Two days after the registration deadline, everyone who registered for the training got an email from Les Mills about the details they need to prepare. I didn't get anything, so I emailed them asking, you know, 'where's mine?' and they told me that they never received my submitted form and the payment didn't succeed. After a long (and tiring) back-and-forth Q&A and confirmation emails with the LM team, my friends whose names were already on the list, and my brother the fitness facility manager, LM finally agreed to let me re-submit my form and participate in the training.

Then I made this very stupid mistake; I didn't resubmit the form. I thought I was tired from the long discussion and let myself think that there's always next time. Surprise surprise, that was my only chance.

By the time they had another Body Combat module training in Jakarta, I was busy with my preparation for National Exams. And by the next time they had another one, I was busy with my preparation for college. My parents wouldn't let me join, firstly because they wanted my to focus on my education instead of some fun little hobby, secondly because they believed after I move to Korea, I'd find some new hobby and Body Combat would just be another 'I-used-to-do' thing.

Now, even though I have some part-time jobs and scholarship, almost all of it will be used to pay for my tuition fee next semester and my rent is not gonna pay itself, so... yeah, I've been carrying a little regret for the last 5 years. In addition, the training fee now is so much more expensive than 5 years ago (don't forget about the currency rate which keeps on going up), leaving me a little more of the bitter taste.

Those 'YOLO' quotes, apparently are not very stupid, I guess. Second chances are not always there.

Friday, March 20, 2015

I am Not Alone as My Father is With Me

I had been in a Catholic society since I was born; family, neighborhood, school.

But until 19 years of age, I didn't recognize Christ and I was not familiar with my own belief. I prayed every single day not because I wanted to, but because the teachers told us to. I went to church and other religious events not because I wanted to, but because my mom and friends did.

My mom is a believer; but my dad is not. That gives us the three children the possibility to see things they way our dad does, which is the way an atheist see every thing in the world.
I accomplish success because I worked hard from the beginning;
I'm saved from any harm because I am careful;
and scientific method is the only explanation of any truths.

Their belief is not false. And to be honest, that was my way of thinking despite of the fact that I have the word 'Catholic' stated in my identification.

I understood how my mom believes in Christ no less than I understood why my dad's against that. Growing up in a situation like this left me a question that I was not able to answer for so long: Is there really God?

Since the previous semester, I've been struggling hard for every thing in my life in Korea. Failures, family matters, disappointments, all happened one by one in front of my eyes. I cried to sleep every night and my mind was stressful all the time. I thought I was hopeless and finished; all I did was mourn and complain. The feeling of being alone haunted me and I couldn't think of anything to do.

In that worst moment suddenly I realized that I was not alone; He was there all along but I ignored Him. I started to pray, a little bit at a time, for Him to strengthen me, lead me, and help me. I was not thinking for my prayers to be answered as my main purpose was only to lean on and feel relieved, but He did answer when I least expected it. As I continued to surrender myself to God, I noticed that my legs were far more stronger than they were before, my heart was much lighter, and my mind got clearer.

Since then I stopped questioning the power of prayer and the existence of God, as I have encountered Him myself. To be patient is to believe in God's plan, and to surrender completely is to live with Him as one. There are still some unanswered prayers, but even so, I can find peace in myself while I'm waiting for the answers. God has convinced me He is the only shelter, and I will continue to stay in His righteousness.